Happiness

INTRODUCTION

Perfection can Inspire us to a goal, or be a demon in our head that makes us suffer. The Perfectionist is one of the voices in our head. It has the role of pointing out all the ways that we should be perfect, better or different than we are. As a secondary role it also points out how other people should be as well. It might seem very helpful with high ideals and standards, and it might seem very noble with its authoritative voice of “knowing”, but it has a dark side. It can make us miserably unhappy, feel inadequate, and even invoke emotions of self hate and depression. So with that much at stake it’s best not to leave these goings on in our unconscious.

The dark side of the perfectionist is that we are always left feeling inadequate. Or, in its secondary role, when we believe what it says about others and end up disappointed, frustrated, or angry. We often don’t see this darker emotional role because we are focused on achieving that elusive standard of perfectionism. If we stop chasing that standard for a few minutes we can see some how wrong the Perfectionist is. The Perfectionist is full of false beliefs and lies that we are trying to appease.

Perfectionism. Use it as a goal you strive for, but don’t use it as a measuring standard. The challenge in awareness is to be present with that idealized perfectionist version as a goal in the imagination and be aware that what we create in imagination does not transfer immediately or easily to the world of reality. Creating beauty in the real world takes practice. With an awareness of the difference between the imagined world and the real world we can avoid the Judge’s misplaced criticism that expects the two to be congruent.

Consider this.

One of the consequences of these delusional “Perfectionists” expectations is that if we aren’t aware and skeptical of it, we succumb to the next character of the story in our internal dialog. If we accept the Perfectionists imaginary standard, then we fall to accept the Judges criticism for not meeting them as well.

Then one of two things happen. We attempt the dance move, song, or work project. It goes in accordance with reality, which requires some trial and error to get it right. This doesn’t meet the perfectionist standard and so the Judge has a harsh internal dialog of criticism for us about how we are a failure, can’t do things well enough, and that other people must think we are incompetent, etc. From this harsh self-criticism we suffer emotionally. The next time your Judge and Perfectionist want to give you a hard time for failing to meet their standards. Consider that they are failing you. They are failing to notice that their imaginary world doesn’t map to the real world. If you find it difficult to be aware and skeptical of the Perfectionist and Inner Critic, this is understandable. Awareness and skepticism are mindfulness skills to be developed with practice and time. You can find helpful exercises to practice in the Self Mastery course.

If you want to stop being jealous then you have to identify and change several parts of your emotional dynamics and the ways you think. These different parts of our personality are comprised of belief systems we have acquired over years, very often early in our life. Belief systems can determine how we interpret events, what thoughts we think, emotions we generate, and behaviors we automatically act out. Very often these belief systems operate at a level that is unconscious to us. Because they reside in our unconscious, we can very often have a reaction such as jealousy driven by these unconscious beliefs, and then later, wonder why we reacted that way. You can learn more about the different layers of beliefs that make up a reaction or behavior such as jealousy from this video. It will show you some of the different beliefs that create jealousy, and show you some insights on what needs to change so you can stop being jealous.